mouth moments

Hazel's mouth has had some big moments these past few weeks.

She's been babbling more than ever...earnestly trying to communicate with us. Her most common utterance is "tda tda tda", which we are close to believing she means "da da". Wouldn't that be wonderful? Violet's first word was "book"...and Calvin's was "ma ma"...I would just love it if Hazy's first word was "da da".

Now that Hazel is 6 months old, she craves more solid food. Her eyes follow every fork and spoon she sees, and I can see her frustration when it doesn’t go to her mouth. So, now that she’s mastered all the infant cereals – rice, oatmeal, barley – we decided it was time for her to embark on the adventure that is vegetables. We make our own baby food…something we started when Calvin was a baby. It really doesn’t take too much time and we know exactly what we are putting in baby’s mouth. Also, we can add more variety to their diet than the prepackaged baby food offers. Marcus had been diligently roasting the squash we had purchased for our fall decorations, pureeing them, and freezing them in ice cube trays for the last few weeks. We now have enough baby food squash to last us 6 months at least. (This should give you an idea as to the volume of squash we had in the house – Marcus went a little crazy.) So, we started with the squash, and over the course of 3 weeks Hazel has graduated to sweet potatoes and carrots as well. She's loved all of them...gobbles them up without even a hint of a wrinked nose. So far, a great eater and we look forward to moving on to the green veggies next.


The biggest news is the arrival of her very first tooth! Resembling a small grain of rice on her bottom gum line, her first tooth has finally broken through after weeks of drooling and chewing. We've noticed in her a bit more fussiness with this process, compared to our other two kids...perhaps its a bit more painful for her, poor dear. The arrival of this tooth is bittersweet for Marcus and I...we are excited for this big moment, but sad to say goodbye to her toothless grin.

deep breath

December has flown by with all the holiday preparations culminating this week in an over-the-top Christmas event. I barely kept up ...but we survived, however...even better than that, we conquered.

I love decorating our house for Christmas. Our tradition is to haul out the 10+ crates from the basement on the day after Thanksgiving and deck the halls. We have a real tree (this year a Fraisier Fir) as the "main tree"...which we supplement with a couple other decorative trees in other areas of the house. Every year we buy an ornament for the "main tree"...a blown glass ornament in the shape of something that somehow signifies the year. This year, we were blessed with our little Hazel and so the ornament we chose is a pink baby carriage. In years past, we've celebrated various events with our ornament choice...like the birth of our other kids (a pink baby block for Vi and a blue bootie for Calvin), a doctor bag the year Marcus had 2 knee surgeries...an owl with a graduation cap the year I graduated with my PhD...a lighthouse for the year we went to Hilton Head. Its such a treat to hang these and remember their significance...one of my favorite parts of decorating. We also have a small artificial tree in our upstairs hallway that we decorate Mardi Gras style...with purple, gold, and green lights and all our medalions from the parade throws as ornaments. We even top it with the Mardi Gras bow we used to hang on our apartment door during the carnival season when we lived in New Orleans. The tree itself was the first tree Marcus and I ever bought...the one we had for our first Christmas after we married. We were so broke then...I remember it was a hardship to lay down the $60 to buy this little 6 foot tree. I'm so glad we've saved it...and that we decorate it to memorialize our time in New Orleans...it makes me smile.

Between our decorating extravaganza and Christmas day, there were cookies baked, a trip to Chicago for a holiday party and family Christmas with Marc's parents, 2 Christmas pageants, parties at work, a Daisy Scout cookie exchange, holiday dress shopping for the girls, christmas cards sent, meal planning and grocery shopping, 2 trips to various stores after 10 pm, starting and finishing handmade presents, many online orders, marathon wrapping in the wee morning hours, counting and recounting gifts, so much laundry...its exhausting just thinking about all that we crammed into this month.

It was all worth it though. We've already enjoyed lovely visits with family...and on Christmas morning, we had 2 overjoyed kids at the sight of their stockings and the Christmas tree. After we set up the tree with all our presents, Marcus and I went to bed and waited for Santa to come. Once morning arrived, we were up first...waiting impatiently in our bed for the kids to wake, creep out and take it all in, and excitedly run to us and tell us what they found. They were late sleepers (huh?), so we finally got started with our Christmas around 8 am. We like to enjoy the presents as we open them...so that the kids attach a value to each one. We put together puzzles, played games, cuddled with new animal friends, ate goodies, well into the afternoon. I think we were finally finished opening around 4 pm. We took breaks throughout, to indulge in our Chirstmas quiche and other food, as well as prepare our Christmas dinner. My mom joined us for the feast and the kids went wild showing all of their trappings.

When we finally got the kids to bed, Marcus and I enjoyed some peacefully quiet moments, reflecting on the day, and all the excited anticipation that led up to it. We took a deep breath, knowing that all the last minute preparations, hectic planning, and finishing tedious details were behind us. We congratulated ourselves on successfully creating a boatload of Christmas memories for the kids...and realized that Christmas is more wonderful than ever...now that we have them.

moments

Today I was reading a magazine article (while pumping) that inspired me. It was a compilation of reflections by several writers on their favorite time of day. Most of them chose an actual time...and described so eloquently how their life at those times was special or fulfilling. The actual moments they described didn't resonate with me, really...since they are writers, their work lifestyle was polar opposite to my office gig...one described how she procrastinates and starts to work around noon. Many of them lived in a city, too...so I couldn't relate to walking from my house to the corner coffee shop in the morning and sit for an hour reading the paper sipping on gourmet coffee. What I found inspiring was considering the moments that I love and relishing them. So here are a few of my favorite moments...

• when I hear the garage door open on Wednesday nights and I know Marcus is home
• when Doppler (our charming dog) curls up to sleep on my feet...especially on a chilly evening
• weekend mornings when I wake and realize that Marcus has kept the kids downstairs so that I can sleep in...I linger a bit longer between sleep and awake to take advantage of the last moments of peace before the day begins
• when I'm driving by myself - I listen to my favorite music...loud...and sing...and I can set the temperature to whatever I want...my own little kingdom
• when my little Hazel puts her hands on either side of my face when we're snuggling...she reaches out so purposefully and smiles as she successfully reaches my cheeks
• when I cross something off my mental list
• when I kiss Calvin goodnight - I crawl into bed with him, more snuggling, and we decide what kind of dreams he wants to have...sweet dreams...spicy dreams...sour dreams...
• when I've given a presentation of work and I know I've nailed it
• when Violet and I go shopping or crafting...and catch myself asking for her opinion because I really want to know...we're hanging out together and I realize just how grown up she really is
• time with my very best friends...the Sprite girls...talking, drinking wine, eating, and generally being the amazing women we are together in one room
• middle of the night reflection, when its peacefully quiet in the house and I am free to selfishly focus on me
• when I crawl into bed and Marcus holds me while I fall asleep...his arms are so comforting, loving

Thankful

I have so many reasons to be thankful...and most of them are rolled up in my amazing husband, Marcus. I have trouble even finding the words to describe how much he completes me, and it what ways. Whatever life has to throw at us, I know I can count on him...not to do the minimum, but to go beyond it, thinking ahead and giving it every possible effort. Tonight, for instance, when it looked like our fridge wasn't working, he made attempts to fix it himself (to no avail), packaged up all the food, made several trips to our downstairs deep freezer, and has been checking on the temperature of the fridge periodically all night. He cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal...and did all the dishes, while I was taking care of the baby and entertaining my Dad and sister. He even washed the gross roaster pan and sticky mashed potato dish. The most impressive thing is that I didn't have to ask him to do any of it.

I truly rely on him. It scares me a bit how much I do. I sometimes let my mind wander to what my life would be like if he were taken from me. Everything I rely on him for...how he completes my thoughts...how he takes care of me, the house, the cars, the yard, our children, our dog...our life. There are so many things that he does and that are a priority for him that simply don't enter my mind. Without him, I know they wouldn't happen. Not only would I be incredibly lonely without him, I think everything around me would fall apart.

We enjoy each other and with him I share a love that I can only compare to that of fairy tales and classic love stories. When we met, I thought he was gorgeous, so intelligent, a little strange...and completely out of my league. He was in a fraternity and I had this rather naive vision of what that meant and if I could mingle with that crowd. Obviously, I got past that...and so began a love affair, complete with love letters, occasional dates, flowers, countless late night conversations, and intimate moments. We don't lie to each other and we rarely fight. We think so much alike on the major issues and the same things excite us...a night at home bottle of wine and good TV, indulging our children, making holidays memorable, cooking together, entertaining, making our home beautiful...and I find that whatever differences we do have are a compliment to each other. We fell in love pretty hard and fast...it was just so easy. I've never doubted him or how he feels about me. Never.

I am thankful for him, and although I make every effort to communicate that to him with my words and actions, I don't think he realizes just how much I appreciate and love him. He gives my life a purpose...to be with him and be a mother to our beautiful children. I am blessed.

oh calvin, my calvin

What a joy it is to have a son. It was tough to get used to the idea, at first. Being one of two girls growing up in my home, I was only familiar with sisterly relationships with siblings. When I read the ultrasound picture of my little Calvin and saw the word "boy"...I was nervous...not sure if this was good news. How silly I was to even entertain these doubts.



Calvin is 3 years old, but will soon be 4. He's all boy...sweet as can be one minute and devilish the next. Marcus and I succumb quite easily to his charm, sometimes to Violet's detriment. Now that he's grown out of babyhood, every day he's learning more about who he is. I'm along for the ride on his path to self discovery, learning along with him. I feel that compared to Violet, who I know and can predict, I'm just getting to know this little man. So far, he doesn't gravitate to particular likes and dislikes...aside from his treasured "Bear". He doesn't particularly like to color or create...he loses interest in imaginative play...and there aren't particular toy types he focuses on. But, we have noticed that even from a very young age, Calvin wants to figure out how things work. He asks so many questions about the built environment and the human body. "Why is that light flashing?" "Tell me again about how eyes work." "How does the guitar string make sound?" I'm always so impressed how he formulates hypotheses about how the world functions around him and asks very smart questions. His innate curiosity is impressive...exhausting, but impressive.


Violet and he are such buddies - it has been a blessing since Hazel arrived that we can count on them to entertain each other. Usually, their play is without incident...but there are times when Calvin rejects Violet's directions. I don't blame him. I was the bossy older sister once and watching this interaction in my own children, I can see how the younger's frustration and need for independent thought and validation can push them to the point of acting out. We do our best to reign in Violet and have Calvin lead...but it is a struggle sometimes to maintain fairness.


He says that he wants to either be a chef or a pediatrician when he grows up. I just hope that we teach him to be a good man...a dedicated, respectful, loving man. I delight in my role toward this, and I love getting to know my Calvin...my spinny-ride partner...my wearing-socks-to-bed partner...my darling little boy.

Hip to be Square

We have survived a hellish week choosing a new car to replace my old Saturn station wagon. Not only have we survived, but we successfully made a purchase. The wagon, with over 110,000 miles on it, was diagnosed with a broken thermostat and a low efficiency catalytic converter. This would cost about $2000 to repair. It seemed a little silly to us to make this repair on such an old car...so we started shopping. Our budget couldn't handle adding a major car payment...did I mention that the wagon was paid off?...so we looked at small, cheap, commuter cars, just big enough to travel the kids to school or me to work.

After an exhaustive and exhausting Internet comparison, we settled on test driving the Kia Soul. I sat in it for all of 2 minutes and realized that the visibility in the rear window was too occluded. I often wonder why car manufacturers today shrink the rear window and frame it so thick that you can barely see out...making every lane change treacherous. Not for me. But...when we were there, I spied the Nissan Cube. What a cool looking car. Its asymmetry is offbeat and the gimmicks (like a round shag carpet on the dashboard) are a bit weird...but I loved it. Secretly so.

We also tried out the Honda Fit. This was the smart choice. It gets fantastic gas mileage, is very sporty, and has the most storage capacity for subcompact cars...and it came in orange. So, we told Orlando at the Honda dealer to find us our car. We told him to find the orange one in the sport model, with the traction control option (which incidentally comes with an unnecessary navigation system). Did you know that this combination is almost impossible to find? Apparently the Honda Fit is in high demand. This created a personal hell for Marcus. When he makes a decision to buy something, he wants to buy it without delay. The searching, the calls back and forth to Orlando, awaiting decisions on dealership trades...it was too much for him. We had to expand our search beyond orange to include red Fits...but this didn't solve our problems. We finally got a lead on a red one, but it would take 3 more weeks until delivery. This just wouldn't do...

We decided to head back to the Nissan dealer and test drive the Cube...just to see if we liked it. The minute I put it in gear and pulled out of the parking lot, I knew it was my car. A Caribbean blue, geometrical marvel...with so much visibility it felt a bit like I was driving a fish bowl. I loved every bit of it...even the shag carpet was growing on me. It had great pick-up and drove so smoothly. I hoped that when Marcus drove it he would like it just as much...and he did! So, we sacrificed a bit on storage space and gas mileage, but traded up on pure panache. Plus, we got the top of the line model with everything from fog lights to 20-color ambient lighting. I am now the proud owner of a Cube and I couldn't be happier. After all, if you've got to jet around town traipsing kids, running errands, and getting back and forth to work, your transportation should make you smile. Mine does!

Nimble Fingers

A few years ago, I asked for knitting needles and an instructional book for Christmas. I had been entertaining this idea that I wanted to learn to knit. The idea of making something beautiful from a piece of yarn intrigued me, and I thought I could create something with utility. My mom, who is talented in all things domestic, heeded the call and got me started. She bought me the most beautiful yarn and bamboo knitting needles...and she dug out her old knitting pattern books to pass along to me. She sat with my while I fumbled through my first rows of garter stitches on what turned out to be a beautiful scarf I still wear today. I must admit...I was a natural. I had a rather even stitch right from the start. And now, knitting has become a bona fide hobby for me.

After finishing my scarf, I made a few other things. I found this simply adorable pattern for an infant hat with an upside down daisy as the topper. This pattern has made it into my repertoire and I've made it a couple times for friends having baby girls. I made each of my kids a washcloth...a nice short project. I had steered clear of garments for awhile...fearful, I suppose, that after all the work was done, the product wouldn't look right. My first BIG project was a long sweater coat that I made for myself. My dear husband went out and bought my supplies. He knew I wanted a new project and did the shopping for me. He truly is an amazing man...when you find a guy willing to brave the craft stores, picking out yarn and knitting needles...you know you've got a keeper. Anyway, I worked for an extremely long time on this coat using a soft, charcoal gray yarn. I had in my mind that it would be fabulous. I would wear it everywhere...and people would ask, "Where did you get that gorgeous sweater?"...and I would reply, "Oh, actually, I made it." It would be a personal triumph. Alas, this would not be my best work. In fact, my sweater turned out to be quite an abomination. I made it much, much to big. This coupled with the looseness of the yarn produced a jacket that stretches to my mid shin in the front, but remains the correct length in the back. I would characterize it as a wearable blanket...its not quite the posh fashion statement that I was hoping for. But, I did finish it and it is wearable for around the house on a chilly day. My son loves how cozy it is...its mommy's special sweater...and he is always willing to fetch it for me or snuggle in it with me. For these reasons, it may be my favorite piece I've ever made.

Since the sweater coat debacle, I've made a felted handbag and a children's sweater for Violet. These both turned out well, so I suppose I've redeemed myself. About a year ago. I started to knit a sweater and hat set for the daughter that not yet was. I was pregnant for Hazy and I knew that I wanted to knit something special for her. I just finished it...and it really looks amazing. I love the color...I love the pattern...I love how warm it is...I love how it looks on her. The pattern came from one of those old knitting books my mom had found, so it has that vintage 1960's look to it. Fantastic.

It really is a wonderful feeling to accomplish something you've started. Knitting for me is something I can pick up anytime, anywhere and do just a little or do a lot. With every row, I've made progress. When so many things in my life seem to be unfinished, it is so rewarding to make even a little progress toward something beautiful.

Morning Rush

My mornings are insane. Insane, I tell you. From the time I drag myself from my short slumber (see previous post The Battle)...to the time I slump in my office chair, I am going...going...going. Here's a typical morning for me:

• 6:00 am - Hit the snooze button
• 6:09 am - Hit the snooze button, again
• 6:18 am - Hit the damn snooze button, again
• 6:27 am - Yeah, hit the snooze button, again
• 6:33 am - "I'm up, I'm up"...I roll out of bed and stumble to the bathroom.
• 6:36 am - Finish brushing my teeth, start putting makeup on. "Good morning Violet." Marcus has brought me a cup of coffee...my hero! "Violet, whisper so you don't wake Hazel."
• 6:43 am - In high gear now, I finish putting my makeup on. "Good morning Calvin!" I scurry to my bedroom to find some clothes to wear. All of our clean, laundry is scattered throughout the house in baskets mounded high. I start digging in the one in our room, supposedly with my clothes, looking for a pair of underwear. I may as well be looking for a needle in a haystack.
• 6:48 am - Finally found all my clothes and I'm dressed..."Come on Calvin...Let's spike your hair!" "Violet, you've got those buttons mismatched...please Vi, don't fight me on this, let's get them matched up."
• 6:49 am - "Come on Calvin!" "Come here Violet! Now!" "Its time to eat breakfast" What is with everyone moving sooooo slow! Am I the only one going warp speed!
• 6:52 am - Calvin's hair is spiked and Violet looks lovely. They slowly make their way downstairs where Marcus has breakfast waiting for them. I put on my jewelry and frantically walk downstairs...as quiet as possible, so as not to wake Hazy.
• 6:56 am - I have my breast pump set up and I'm ready to start. Standing in the middle of the kitchen, I start pumping. This is probably the most frustrating time. It's like I'm a horse in the gates, thinking of everything left to do before we walk out the door, but I'm tethered to this damn pump...able to do none of it. Marcus tries to help. "Bets, what do you want me to put in your lunch." Ugh. I don't know what to tell him. I just want him to make it...I don't even care. Why is he moving so damn slow!
• 7:00 am - Still pumping. "Calvin, drink your milk." "Marcus, I don't know...just put some bread and a piece of cheese in there." "Do we have Violet's library book in her bag?...Are the kids lunches ready?" Usually, if the kids don't have hot lunch (what a blessed invention!) we make the lunch for the kids the night before. Why we don't make mine at the same time, I don't know.
• 7:05 am - All finished pumping, but now I have to wash all the pumping stuff. "Violet, Calvin...go get your teeth brushed and get your shoes on." "Get yourselves washed up...hands, face, chin, and cheeks." Marcus makes sure the kids bags are packed for the day while I finish washing things up...and add a few more things to my lunch. I grab a piece of bread for breakfast and pour coffee in my travel mug.
• 7:20 am - "Let's go...let's go!" "Violet, you need pants on under your jumper or you'll freeze." I pack my bag, now - pump, pump accessories, bottles, freezer pack, planner, purse, work I didn't get done last night, and lunch." I grab my coffee and bag and start packing the car...kids, bags...make sure they are buckled and we pull out. We are 5 minutes late.
• 7:40 am - We arrive at school, and everyone jumps out of the car. Our time in the car is rather special for me and the kids...I love chatting with them about their day ahead, singing songs, and being just us for a few minutes. Calvin and I walk Violet to the stairs and watch her walk down to join the rest of the kids. Calvin blows her a kiss goodbye. Violet pauses a couple trips during her descent to turn and wave at us. My kids are so sweet! "Hold the rail, Violet...OK, Calvin, let's go."
• 7:45 am - Calvin and I walk into his classroom at the school. We hang his coat and bag, and move his name tag from its pocket to the basket to show that he's here. "Oh, Calvin...you didn't wash up very well...yuck..." We get over to the sink and I wash his face, hands and the toothpaste off his shirt. Did he really leave the house looking like this?! Am I one of those moms that lets her child leave the home looking like this?! Apparently so...
• 7:53 am: I start my goodbye ritual with Cal...5 kisses on each hand and several waves at the door, until he tells me, "OK, mommy...go." It started out as 1 kiss on one hand, so he could have it later when he was feeling like he missed me, but apparently ther's inflation on "missing you kisses" in preschool.
• 7:55 am: I'm in the car and driving to work. I'm gonna be late. I call Marcus on the way to tell him how the drop off went.
• 8:10 am: I arrive at work, after the short car trip and the hurried 3 block walk from my parkng lot.
  

The Battle

Almost every night...a battle is fought...between me and sleepy me.

I have a long "To Do" list, and it seeems that the only time to get to it is when the children are all blissfully sleeping. All of them. While Vi and Cal are snoozing by 8:30 (at the latest), little Hazy is a bit unpredictable. Its not until 10:00 that I can reliably have time for myself. And it is at that time that sleepy me begins her attack.

She convinces me that it would be fine to just lay on the couch...for a few minutes...and watch some television. "Afterall, you deserve it after the long day you've had.", she says. "Of course, you can close your eyes for a little while...take a short nap. You can wake up in a little while and get to those things later." She tricks me into setting the oven timer as an alarm clock. "A 45 minute nap is all you need."

And 45 minutes later, the "alarm" goes off. She tells me, "You need a few more minutes...go ahead, give yourself another hour." I stumble to the oven from the living room couch, and reset the oven timer for another hour. That hour goes by so quickly.

Its then that I realize that I'm probably awake enough to get some work done. But no...sleepy me strikes again. "Yeah, you are a little refreshed...but just think, with another hour of sleep, you could even get more done. Go ahead...just another hour." And she wins.

I reset the oven timer and find my way back to the couch. During all of this, my husband has already gone up to bed...knowing full well the battle that that I'm fighting. He knows I will lose. He tries to help anyway, to no avail. We are no match for sleepy me.

The battle rages on...into the wee hours of the morning. She has me leave the lights on...sometimes even the computer, too..."Leave them on", she says, "you'll soon be working...and the lights will help you wake up after your nap."

Now, she's got me right where she wants me. Its too late to feasibly get anything done, and I'm too out of it to even go up to bed. I visit my oven timer alarm clock up to 5 times during the night. At around 4 am, I sometimes muster the strength to climb the stairs. I don't even bother brushing my teeth. I collapse into bed.

Not only do I get nothing done during this battle...I get terrible sleep. I wish I could say that fighting this battle was a rare occurance. Since I've been back to work, I face sleepy me 2-3 times a week. I remember back to the wars fought when I was finishing my dissertation...she hasn't changed her tactics...and I still succumb. Its not pretty.

Then and Now

Yesterday was Violet's birthday...my lovely Violet turned 6 years old. I can hardly believe that my baby is such a grown up girl. And what a little lady she is...so serious, so smart, so thoughtful. Her curiousity and drive are insatiable. I am truly blessed to be her mother.

Motherhood is really everything that everyone ever told me it would be, but the experience of it is a novel journey all my own. It challenges my mind, my patience, and my spirit, yet is the most rewarding role I play. I am guiding and shaping people...people! I work hard at it...very hard. And even though I'm becoming a pro (6 years experience y'know), I question myself and always identify areas in need of improvement.

Violet, being my first child, has taught me so much. I hope that I can be a good example and inspiration for her. I hope that I can instill in her confidence and entitlement for all things beautiful and rewarding in this world. I want her to have professional success...and I want her to build strong relationships...I want her to know true love.

I see in Violet so much potential...the woman I know she will be...a woman that people will want to know, be near, learn from, and share with. She is exquisite. Whenever I hear the KT Tunstall song "Suddenly I See", I think of Violet. I know...this song really isn't about a mother's recognition and love of her daughter...but the words fit for me. Because of her, I see...I see the person I want to be and the purpose of it all. What an amazing thing that is.

Her face is a map of the world

Is a map of the world

You can see she's a beautiful girl

She's a beautiful girl

And everything around her is a silver pool of light

The people who surround her feel the benefit of it

It makes you calm

She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)

Why the hell it means so much to me

Then: Violet Eve, Hours Old

Now: Violet Eve, 6 Years Old

its a (re)start

I have returned. My friend Kellie has inspired me to resurect my blog...I always have things to say, but never seem to find the time to craft an entry. Over the last week, I've thought up a couple dozen entries...and I realize that I like thinking about my life in titles for blog entries. You know, those clever little quips that summarize the entry and beckon the reader to read on. I have so much fun coming up with them for the happenings in my life. In lieu of a daily journal, or even a once-in-awhile blog, it would be fun to just create a list of titles, wouldn't it?

Anyway, my latest news to share is my new baby girl, Hazel. What a darling! At four months now, she is smiling, loving, rolling, crying, eating cereal, napping, watching TV, and generally adding joy to our lives. I've had to restart motherhood at the beginning again. Its been awhile since I had a baby...my Violet is turning 6 in a few days and my Calvin will be turning 4 in February. I'm older this time and less concerned with following all do's and don'ts...I've convinced myself that I don't need that this time around. I do notice that I seem to lock away every treasured moment of her infancy in a special place. She will be my last...and knowing that makes me sad and forces me to savor her in a way I didn't with Vi and Cal.

Beautiful Hazel

So, now my life has become quite a dramedy...trying to keep up with all my responsibilities. At any given moment >=1 of them wants something. I am thankful that I have a partner in life to deal with all their wants and needs...and to share in the happiness and joy they bring. The business is sometimes more than we can handle, though. We both work...a lot...and the kids need our help to stay occupied...constantly. We feel like we aren't doing enough for them and we watch as the things WE want to do pile up around us. I can't tell you the last time I scrapbooked...or spent some time knitting...and Marc's garden this year was...well, let's just say he can do better. And, of course, we've had to give up "us" time...we're lucky if we can share a conversation before we fall asleep on the couch after they've all gone to bed. We'll comment to eachother, "This is our life, now", with a sigh and a smile. Don't get me wrong - we LOVE our life, but there is a certain amount of resignation that we've had to assume to get through the day-to-day. So we re-start ourselves each day...with a deep breath...