The Battle

Almost every night...a battle is fought...between me and sleepy me.

I have a long "To Do" list, and it seeems that the only time to get to it is when the children are all blissfully sleeping. All of them. While Vi and Cal are snoozing by 8:30 (at the latest), little Hazy is a bit unpredictable. Its not until 10:00 that I can reliably have time for myself. And it is at that time that sleepy me begins her attack.

She convinces me that it would be fine to just lay on the couch...for a few minutes...and watch some television. "Afterall, you deserve it after the long day you've had.", she says. "Of course, you can close your eyes for a little while...take a short nap. You can wake up in a little while and get to those things later." She tricks me into setting the oven timer as an alarm clock. "A 45 minute nap is all you need."

And 45 minutes later, the "alarm" goes off. She tells me, "You need a few more minutes...go ahead, give yourself another hour." I stumble to the oven from the living room couch, and reset the oven timer for another hour. That hour goes by so quickly.

Its then that I realize that I'm probably awake enough to get some work done. But no...sleepy me strikes again. "Yeah, you are a little refreshed...but just think, with another hour of sleep, you could even get more done. Go ahead...just another hour." And she wins.

I reset the oven timer and find my way back to the couch. During all of this, my husband has already gone up to bed...knowing full well the battle that that I'm fighting. He knows I will lose. He tries to help anyway, to no avail. We are no match for sleepy me.

The battle rages on...into the wee hours of the morning. She has me leave the lights on...sometimes even the computer, too..."Leave them on", she says, "you'll soon be working...and the lights will help you wake up after your nap."

Now, she's got me right where she wants me. Its too late to feasibly get anything done, and I'm too out of it to even go up to bed. I visit my oven timer alarm clock up to 5 times during the night. At around 4 am, I sometimes muster the strength to climb the stairs. I don't even bother brushing my teeth. I collapse into bed.

Not only do I get nothing done during this battle...I get terrible sleep. I wish I could say that fighting this battle was a rare occurance. Since I've been back to work, I face sleepy me 2-3 times a week. I remember back to the wars fought when I was finishing my dissertation...she hasn't changed her tactics...and I still succumb. Its not pretty.