Thankful

I have so many reasons to be thankful...and most of them are rolled up in my amazing husband, Marcus. I have trouble even finding the words to describe how much he completes me, and it what ways. Whatever life has to throw at us, I know I can count on him...not to do the minimum, but to go beyond it, thinking ahead and giving it every possible effort. Tonight, for instance, when it looked like our fridge wasn't working, he made attempts to fix it himself (to no avail), packaged up all the food, made several trips to our downstairs deep freezer, and has been checking on the temperature of the fridge periodically all night. He cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal...and did all the dishes, while I was taking care of the baby and entertaining my Dad and sister. He even washed the gross roaster pan and sticky mashed potato dish. The most impressive thing is that I didn't have to ask him to do any of it.

I truly rely on him. It scares me a bit how much I do. I sometimes let my mind wander to what my life would be like if he were taken from me. Everything I rely on him for...how he completes my thoughts...how he takes care of me, the house, the cars, the yard, our children, our dog...our life. There are so many things that he does and that are a priority for him that simply don't enter my mind. Without him, I know they wouldn't happen. Not only would I be incredibly lonely without him, I think everything around me would fall apart.

We enjoy each other and with him I share a love that I can only compare to that of fairy tales and classic love stories. When we met, I thought he was gorgeous, so intelligent, a little strange...and completely out of my league. He was in a fraternity and I had this rather naive vision of what that meant and if I could mingle with that crowd. Obviously, I got past that...and so began a love affair, complete with love letters, occasional dates, flowers, countless late night conversations, and intimate moments. We don't lie to each other and we rarely fight. We think so much alike on the major issues and the same things excite us...a night at home bottle of wine and good TV, indulging our children, making holidays memorable, cooking together, entertaining, making our home beautiful...and I find that whatever differences we do have are a compliment to each other. We fell in love pretty hard and fast...it was just so easy. I've never doubted him or how he feels about me. Never.

I am thankful for him, and although I make every effort to communicate that to him with my words and actions, I don't think he realizes just how much I appreciate and love him. He gives my life a purpose...to be with him and be a mother to our beautiful children. I am blessed.

oh calvin, my calvin

What a joy it is to have a son. It was tough to get used to the idea, at first. Being one of two girls growing up in my home, I was only familiar with sisterly relationships with siblings. When I read the ultrasound picture of my little Calvin and saw the word "boy"...I was nervous...not sure if this was good news. How silly I was to even entertain these doubts.



Calvin is 3 years old, but will soon be 4. He's all boy...sweet as can be one minute and devilish the next. Marcus and I succumb quite easily to his charm, sometimes to Violet's detriment. Now that he's grown out of babyhood, every day he's learning more about who he is. I'm along for the ride on his path to self discovery, learning along with him. I feel that compared to Violet, who I know and can predict, I'm just getting to know this little man. So far, he doesn't gravitate to particular likes and dislikes...aside from his treasured "Bear". He doesn't particularly like to color or create...he loses interest in imaginative play...and there aren't particular toy types he focuses on. But, we have noticed that even from a very young age, Calvin wants to figure out how things work. He asks so many questions about the built environment and the human body. "Why is that light flashing?" "Tell me again about how eyes work." "How does the guitar string make sound?" I'm always so impressed how he formulates hypotheses about how the world functions around him and asks very smart questions. His innate curiosity is impressive...exhausting, but impressive.


Violet and he are such buddies - it has been a blessing since Hazel arrived that we can count on them to entertain each other. Usually, their play is without incident...but there are times when Calvin rejects Violet's directions. I don't blame him. I was the bossy older sister once and watching this interaction in my own children, I can see how the younger's frustration and need for independent thought and validation can push them to the point of acting out. We do our best to reign in Violet and have Calvin lead...but it is a struggle sometimes to maintain fairness.


He says that he wants to either be a chef or a pediatrician when he grows up. I just hope that we teach him to be a good man...a dedicated, respectful, loving man. I delight in my role toward this, and I love getting to know my Calvin...my spinny-ride partner...my wearing-socks-to-bed partner...my darling little boy.

Hip to be Square

We have survived a hellish week choosing a new car to replace my old Saturn station wagon. Not only have we survived, but we successfully made a purchase. The wagon, with over 110,000 miles on it, was diagnosed with a broken thermostat and a low efficiency catalytic converter. This would cost about $2000 to repair. It seemed a little silly to us to make this repair on such an old car...so we started shopping. Our budget couldn't handle adding a major car payment...did I mention that the wagon was paid off?...so we looked at small, cheap, commuter cars, just big enough to travel the kids to school or me to work.

After an exhaustive and exhausting Internet comparison, we settled on test driving the Kia Soul. I sat in it for all of 2 minutes and realized that the visibility in the rear window was too occluded. I often wonder why car manufacturers today shrink the rear window and frame it so thick that you can barely see out...making every lane change treacherous. Not for me. But...when we were there, I spied the Nissan Cube. What a cool looking car. Its asymmetry is offbeat and the gimmicks (like a round shag carpet on the dashboard) are a bit weird...but I loved it. Secretly so.

We also tried out the Honda Fit. This was the smart choice. It gets fantastic gas mileage, is very sporty, and has the most storage capacity for subcompact cars...and it came in orange. So, we told Orlando at the Honda dealer to find us our car. We told him to find the orange one in the sport model, with the traction control option (which incidentally comes with an unnecessary navigation system). Did you know that this combination is almost impossible to find? Apparently the Honda Fit is in high demand. This created a personal hell for Marcus. When he makes a decision to buy something, he wants to buy it without delay. The searching, the calls back and forth to Orlando, awaiting decisions on dealership trades...it was too much for him. We had to expand our search beyond orange to include red Fits...but this didn't solve our problems. We finally got a lead on a red one, but it would take 3 more weeks until delivery. This just wouldn't do...

We decided to head back to the Nissan dealer and test drive the Cube...just to see if we liked it. The minute I put it in gear and pulled out of the parking lot, I knew it was my car. A Caribbean blue, geometrical marvel...with so much visibility it felt a bit like I was driving a fish bowl. I loved every bit of it...even the shag carpet was growing on me. It had great pick-up and drove so smoothly. I hoped that when Marcus drove it he would like it just as much...and he did! So, we sacrificed a bit on storage space and gas mileage, but traded up on pure panache. Plus, we got the top of the line model with everything from fog lights to 20-color ambient lighting. I am now the proud owner of a Cube and I couldn't be happier. After all, if you've got to jet around town traipsing kids, running errands, and getting back and forth to work, your transportation should make you smile. Mine does!

Nimble Fingers

A few years ago, I asked for knitting needles and an instructional book for Christmas. I had been entertaining this idea that I wanted to learn to knit. The idea of making something beautiful from a piece of yarn intrigued me, and I thought I could create something with utility. My mom, who is talented in all things domestic, heeded the call and got me started. She bought me the most beautiful yarn and bamboo knitting needles...and she dug out her old knitting pattern books to pass along to me. She sat with my while I fumbled through my first rows of garter stitches on what turned out to be a beautiful scarf I still wear today. I must admit...I was a natural. I had a rather even stitch right from the start. And now, knitting has become a bona fide hobby for me.

After finishing my scarf, I made a few other things. I found this simply adorable pattern for an infant hat with an upside down daisy as the topper. This pattern has made it into my repertoire and I've made it a couple times for friends having baby girls. I made each of my kids a washcloth...a nice short project. I had steered clear of garments for awhile...fearful, I suppose, that after all the work was done, the product wouldn't look right. My first BIG project was a long sweater coat that I made for myself. My dear husband went out and bought my supplies. He knew I wanted a new project and did the shopping for me. He truly is an amazing man...when you find a guy willing to brave the craft stores, picking out yarn and knitting needles...you know you've got a keeper. Anyway, I worked for an extremely long time on this coat using a soft, charcoal gray yarn. I had in my mind that it would be fabulous. I would wear it everywhere...and people would ask, "Where did you get that gorgeous sweater?"...and I would reply, "Oh, actually, I made it." It would be a personal triumph. Alas, this would not be my best work. In fact, my sweater turned out to be quite an abomination. I made it much, much to big. This coupled with the looseness of the yarn produced a jacket that stretches to my mid shin in the front, but remains the correct length in the back. I would characterize it as a wearable blanket...its not quite the posh fashion statement that I was hoping for. But, I did finish it and it is wearable for around the house on a chilly day. My son loves how cozy it is...its mommy's special sweater...and he is always willing to fetch it for me or snuggle in it with me. For these reasons, it may be my favorite piece I've ever made.

Since the sweater coat debacle, I've made a felted handbag and a children's sweater for Violet. These both turned out well, so I suppose I've redeemed myself. About a year ago. I started to knit a sweater and hat set for the daughter that not yet was. I was pregnant for Hazy and I knew that I wanted to knit something special for her. I just finished it...and it really looks amazing. I love the color...I love the pattern...I love how warm it is...I love how it looks on her. The pattern came from one of those old knitting books my mom had found, so it has that vintage 1960's look to it. Fantastic.

It really is a wonderful feeling to accomplish something you've started. Knitting for me is something I can pick up anytime, anywhere and do just a little or do a lot. With every row, I've made progress. When so many things in my life seem to be unfinished, it is so rewarding to make even a little progress toward something beautiful.

Morning Rush

My mornings are insane. Insane, I tell you. From the time I drag myself from my short slumber (see previous post The Battle)...to the time I slump in my office chair, I am going...going...going. Here's a typical morning for me:

• 6:00 am - Hit the snooze button
• 6:09 am - Hit the snooze button, again
• 6:18 am - Hit the damn snooze button, again
• 6:27 am - Yeah, hit the snooze button, again
• 6:33 am - "I'm up, I'm up"...I roll out of bed and stumble to the bathroom.
• 6:36 am - Finish brushing my teeth, start putting makeup on. "Good morning Violet." Marcus has brought me a cup of coffee...my hero! "Violet, whisper so you don't wake Hazel."
• 6:43 am - In high gear now, I finish putting my makeup on. "Good morning Calvin!" I scurry to my bedroom to find some clothes to wear. All of our clean, laundry is scattered throughout the house in baskets mounded high. I start digging in the one in our room, supposedly with my clothes, looking for a pair of underwear. I may as well be looking for a needle in a haystack.
• 6:48 am - Finally found all my clothes and I'm dressed..."Come on Calvin...Let's spike your hair!" "Violet, you've got those buttons mismatched...please Vi, don't fight me on this, let's get them matched up."
• 6:49 am - "Come on Calvin!" "Come here Violet! Now!" "Its time to eat breakfast" What is with everyone moving sooooo slow! Am I the only one going warp speed!
• 6:52 am - Calvin's hair is spiked and Violet looks lovely. They slowly make their way downstairs where Marcus has breakfast waiting for them. I put on my jewelry and frantically walk downstairs...as quiet as possible, so as not to wake Hazy.
• 6:56 am - I have my breast pump set up and I'm ready to start. Standing in the middle of the kitchen, I start pumping. This is probably the most frustrating time. It's like I'm a horse in the gates, thinking of everything left to do before we walk out the door, but I'm tethered to this damn pump...able to do none of it. Marcus tries to help. "Bets, what do you want me to put in your lunch." Ugh. I don't know what to tell him. I just want him to make it...I don't even care. Why is he moving so damn slow!
• 7:00 am - Still pumping. "Calvin, drink your milk." "Marcus, I don't know...just put some bread and a piece of cheese in there." "Do we have Violet's library book in her bag?...Are the kids lunches ready?" Usually, if the kids don't have hot lunch (what a blessed invention!) we make the lunch for the kids the night before. Why we don't make mine at the same time, I don't know.
• 7:05 am - All finished pumping, but now I have to wash all the pumping stuff. "Violet, Calvin...go get your teeth brushed and get your shoes on." "Get yourselves washed up...hands, face, chin, and cheeks." Marcus makes sure the kids bags are packed for the day while I finish washing things up...and add a few more things to my lunch. I grab a piece of bread for breakfast and pour coffee in my travel mug.
• 7:20 am - "Let's go...let's go!" "Violet, you need pants on under your jumper or you'll freeze." I pack my bag, now - pump, pump accessories, bottles, freezer pack, planner, purse, work I didn't get done last night, and lunch." I grab my coffee and bag and start packing the car...kids, bags...make sure they are buckled and we pull out. We are 5 minutes late.
• 7:40 am - We arrive at school, and everyone jumps out of the car. Our time in the car is rather special for me and the kids...I love chatting with them about their day ahead, singing songs, and being just us for a few minutes. Calvin and I walk Violet to the stairs and watch her walk down to join the rest of the kids. Calvin blows her a kiss goodbye. Violet pauses a couple trips during her descent to turn and wave at us. My kids are so sweet! "Hold the rail, Violet...OK, Calvin, let's go."
• 7:45 am - Calvin and I walk into his classroom at the school. We hang his coat and bag, and move his name tag from its pocket to the basket to show that he's here. "Oh, Calvin...you didn't wash up very well...yuck..." We get over to the sink and I wash his face, hands and the toothpaste off his shirt. Did he really leave the house looking like this?! Am I one of those moms that lets her child leave the home looking like this?! Apparently so...
• 7:53 am: I start my goodbye ritual with Cal...5 kisses on each hand and several waves at the door, until he tells me, "OK, mommy...go." It started out as 1 kiss on one hand, so he could have it later when he was feeling like he missed me, but apparently ther's inflation on "missing you kisses" in preschool.
• 7:55 am: I'm in the car and driving to work. I'm gonna be late. I call Marcus on the way to tell him how the drop off went.
• 8:10 am: I arrive at work, after the short car trip and the hurried 3 block walk from my parkng lot.